The Magic

The Magic is dat sick flying car thingy at Alton Towers, one of the sickest and certainly one of the most scaryizt rides on park in which visitors are 'flying' through the air.

This ride is in no way related to Air and is most likely not Air.

The Ride

Queue Line

The entrance to The Magic is at da bladdy sik end of Forbidden Valley right behind Tha Nemesiz, recognisable by tha massive arm removing boulderz and sky blue theming as well as a Degu powered CGI oasis with a car park. This is certainly not Air as it is completely different. It iz rumoured that there are at least 120 extenzzion and the wait through the entire queueline is at least a week innit.

The queue line itself is a labyrinth through the CGI oasis which you can interact with. Here are some well known interaction techniques:

• Placing your finished wrappers and drinks outside the bins, causing a mixed reaction of 'Boo' and 'Sik Blud'
• Climbing on the fence into the CGI oasis, causing security to boot you from the park
• Banging on the broken vending machines, causing security to boot you from the park
• Stealing the LCD TVs, causing a reaction of 'Meh'

Because da queue is a labyrinth (sik people jump dis shiz), this means that guests will be stuck for some time walking through, finding dead ends to extensions and even finding themselves on the outskirts of the park because of it. Sometimes, an extension extends through into Air's queue line and so this makes people even more confused, including the ride hosts and ops of Air and The Magic. Many have tried finding their way through using balls of strings found from others who have tried using the ball of string. This has, of course, failed.

When the waiting has passed and the visitors have arrived at the station area, they will find themselves overwhelmed by the amount of Brutalist architecture imported from London during the Great Dull vs Shiny Buildings War, all clumped together to make things ever more confusing for the visitors. Sometimes if the ride hosts are bored, a labyrinth connecting all the buildings will be opened so the visitors can have more fun trying to find the real station.

Ride Experience

With the sky blue track above you whilst sitting in a upside down Ford Pinto (Safest car ever innit), also painted sky blue, you are comfortably sitting with Seatbeltzs and LCs (Love cuffs) as well as a precautionary lapbar stuck to the sides with string and sellotape.

Once departing from the station (When the ride stops faffing with batching and breaking down), you begin up a lift hill that spends at least an hour as you view on the ground lovely puddles and dust covered clothing from chavs who forgot to secure their 'bladdy expensive innit' shoes from Primark.

As you get to the top you see a bunch of trees, more puddles and then you swoop down through the trees, go through a few inversions all in one go, up another lift hill, past the Brutalist architecture, go under the queue line, notice the CGI oasis is having a blue screen of death because all the power is going into the car and then return to the station.

You then exit the ride, climb up a 100000 storey staircase found in one of the Brutalist buildings and appear in a time locked Woolworths with an on-ride photo collection that you didn't even know about.

Reception

A poll was undertaken 2 years after the ride had opened on varying rollercoaster and Alton Towers' centric sites, combining the posts of 7 individuals who actually voted in the poll:

• 98% voted 'What is The Magic?'
• 1% voted 'i luvd it innit it wos sik!'
• 0.50% voted 'i h8d it innit it wos so sik it made me sik!'
• 0.50% voted 'Meh'.

Various comments from those include "No really, what is The Magic? It doesn't exist at Towers", "Not even Air can beat this masterpiece! Long Live The Magic!" and "Tear it down. Build a Maccy’s kthnx.".

Controversy

Varying enthusiasts equally decline and accept the existence of The Magic, causing mass flame debates among the communities and a social divide between the groups. It is said a Guerilla Movement is being created by the Knowledgeable/Community Understanders of the National Themepark Society group, to control and overthrow those who dare say The Magic does not exist.

Incidents

In 2008, a ride car fell from the track (assuming the ride hosts and ops forgot to secure the Poundland belt connecting the car to the track), resulting in 9 deaths. The park's official newspaper and best source of information, the 'Towers Witness And Traveller' had this simple small article on the incident:

"Over 10 people have died in one year, 9 of them died all at once cuz on this flying car ride the magic stopped and they fell to their deaths. The other one was a kid tripped and fell in a pipe and suffocated."

Alton Towers had compensated the families of the dead visitors with exclusive Annual Passes allowing them to visit once between 9am and 9:02am once per Leap Year in February, but sadly £100 parking still applies alongside the recently removed 20% off food and retail.